Taming the Toxic Thought Monster, Preventing Self-Sabotage, and Regaining My Mojo

Be warned - My ponderings this week are rather deep but this is a subject I feel very strongly about.

This is an intensely personal post which has cost me something to share but I had to share for two reasons – number one, this is my record of my journey for me and this forms part of my journey so has to be included and number two, if even one person is helped by my ramblings then the cost to me of sharing has been more than worth while.

Well it has been a difficult week!

I am so proud of myself this week though because even though it has been a really difficult week I have not resorted to medicating myself with food or drinking myself into oblivion. This is a major breakthrough for me!

I have also learned some pretty important things about myself which, although a bit difficult to work through, will ultimately help me become a better person and more effective at this thing called life. I will probably list some of these things in a later entry but for now suffice to say life is an exciting journey and I don’t want to be a spectator. I want to learn the lessons I need to learn and grow as a person so I am striving to have a good attitude towards the sometimes painful learning curves life throws at me.

I had some events early on in the week which blindsided me really. And initially I did not cope that well with these events – I let the toxic thought monster take over and well I temporarily forgot that I have made some really positive changes in my life and I am not the person the toxic thought monster was trying to convince me that I am any more.

The worst thing is I knew I was going down a rather negative spiral and I felt powerless to change it. Reading through an old publication I had received from WW called Change 4 Good, I realised that my negative thoughts were a load of crap. My thoughts and beliefs about myself were faulty – it was my choice to be OK now or not to be OK. And I chose to be OK. Once I made that declaration to myself that I was OK well I was OK and things got progressively better from there – not because my circumstances had changed but because my thoughts had changed. This made me realise how powerful our thoughts really are.

Whilst there will always be difficult circumstances and circumstances that we have no control over, I do believe that you do win or lose by the way you choose to react – and you can choose to be OK. It is ALL about attitude. Now that doesn’t mean you won’t be sad or angry or have stuff to work through (it is good to feel your emotions) but you can choose to take the lesson you need to take, to grieve if necessary, to take the time to heal if need be but through all of this to decide that you are and will be OK. You will come out a stronger and better person.

These are not hollow words from me – I have had my fair share of “crap” in my life. I also know that I am incredibly blessed and am very, very grateful for the many blessings in my life.

Some quotes from the Weight Watchers publication Change 4 Good – Your Guide to Transformation which I found extremely helpful this week.

“The greatest revolution in our generation is that of human beings, who by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives”. Marilyn Ferguson.

Believe in yourself. Dispute you faulty beliefs.

Thoughts evoke feelings which spark behaviours that determine life outcomes.

Setbacks are the key obstacles on the path to change. But it is our belief systems that determine whether these glitches will be stepping stones to transformation or snags that will unravel all of our success to date.

Become aware of your negative thoughts, challenge your negative thoughts, and replace old negative thoughts with constructive new ones.

At the end of the day it all comes back to the thoughts you nuture. Keep in mind that like weeds, negative thoughts don’t just pack up and leave on their own. If you don’t attend to them and keep them in check, pretty soon they will be overrunning your garden. So face them head-on, see them for what they are, and rip them out by the root!

Are you worthy of change – YES! Always remember you have the power to change. At the end of the day, change is a choice and you are ultimately responsible for your own change. No-one can do it for you and no-one can take it away from you. That’s where true confidence comes from: knowing that you have the choice, and the power, to change.


Lessons From This Week

I like everyone to get on and be happy. I do not like conflict and I am not particularly good at dealing with it. My desire for peace at any costs is however not healthy. Sometimes that price is just too high. I am not good at facing issues head on and sometimes I need to grow up and do just that for my sake and also because it is the best thing for others too. (Didn’t I already learn this lesson – same lesson, different scenario – must have failed the exam first time round!).

I am a merciful and generous person and sometimes people take advantage of that and I feel hurt and unappreciated. At the end of the day however I do not want to be any other way. This is a precious part of who I am. If people do not appreciate me then that is their issue. I do not want to stop being merciful and generous.

Never assume that you know what someone else is thinking. Always strive to communicate effectively.

People may sometimes be hurt, offended, or disappointed by me but I know that it is NEVER my intention to deliberately hurt, offend, or disappoint anyone. Sometimes my intentions are misunderstood and that is OK – I know the truth. Being misunderstood does not make me a bad person.

Just because I make one mistake does not mean I am a failure at everything!

Sometimes I feel like I am letting people down. Having seriously reflected on this, I can see that the issue is that I let people put expectations on me and then when I start to feel pressured by those expectations I resent it. I need to learn to say no and not let people put expectations on me that I am not happy with. I need to under promise and over deliver rather than the other way around.

I can either choose to try to please everyone all of the time and tie myself up in knots or NOT. It is my choice. I choose NOT.

Other people can not make me feel inadequate. I can either choose to let other people's words and actions towards me make me feel inadequate or NOT. I choose NOT.

I need to not take things personally which are not personal! I need to step back and realise when I am taking some emotional baggage in to a situation and strive to dump it.

I need to realise that I do have emotional baggage (most people do - it does not make me crazy or a failure!) and that this is worked through in layers so even though I may think I have totally dealt with something, I need to be aware that life will bring things back around which I need to do deeper sorting out on and not to be surprised by this. This is part of growing as a human being and experiencing life to the full. I wouldn’t have this any other way. I never want to stop learning or striving to become a better person.

I definitely need to work on being consistent and organised. These are probably the areas I most need to work on in my life but I also need to remind myself that I do have lots of excellent qualities also. I need to remember nobody is perfect.

I am an eternal optimist and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would rather be disappointed than never expect things to go well or dream big and have great expectations.

It is OK for me to feel good about myself. I am worthy of change. I do not need to punish myself for past or present failures by self- sabotaging my efforts.


Conclusion

Personally I think losing weight is ALL IN YOUR MIND. If you can win the battle over your thoughts, the rest is not that hard actually.

No doubt the toxic thought monster will come back from time to time but that is OK because I now know that I have everything I need to make a conscious effort to take it to him and send him packing.

Oh and I found my mojo – it was under the couch!